Universalis, your very own breviary in pixels...

Saturday, 26 January 2008

Men who can't grow beards

Why do they try?
I realize that it is the suppression of facial hair that is active, do nothing and what ever wants to sprout will sprout. (The late great Claude Jean Chiasson told stories, perhaps apocryphal, of his aunt who would say things such as, "Ewww, a beard, dear? If God meant for you to have that He'd have put it there.")
So it's not exactly trying.
But, as someone who has never had to worry about razors, (I did not inherit other aspects of Mom's gorgeousness, but un-platinum and un- zaftig though I be, I still think I lucked out,) I have always assumed that unless a man goes for the ZZ Topp, OT patriarch look, facial hair by design takes MORE time than just shaving the entire face.
Trimming, shaping it, shaving some areas of the face but precisely not others, or keeping the growth to that exact level that evokes Zorro during a period of intense and perilous activity rather than the guy from water department on his day off?
It seems to me facial hair is usually more rather than less work.
I would ask Himself, except that any mention of beards or mustaches and he thinks I'm bringing up the fact that against my expressed preferences he sported a mustache for our wedding. That is a source of continuing confusion in our other blissful connubial state... we are both forgetful and negligent, and neither of us can locate with any precision that tipping point when reminders, or even ascertaining that one was indeed heard crosses the line into NAGGING. But I digress...
Anyway, that is why I won't ask him.
But I wonder, if after a reasonable number of days of effort, if it becomes apparent that you really can't .... why try?
The ladies at a website that I will not name are wondering about some TV actor, who apparently can grow a respectable beard, and have an idea whose time may have come, the XY crowd's counterpart to Locks of Love:

maybe this is one of those A Character's Downward Spiral Is Reflected In His Facial Hair beards, or perhaps he's growing it so as to donate it to Beards For Bros, a charity I just invented which benefits college dudes who try desperately to grow facial hair but totally fail and instead lope around campus scratching their ill-seeded, patchy cheeks, wondering if their tragical [beard] configuration means something bad about their testosterone levels.


Sir Monocle said...

My entire life, all I ever wanted was a David Niven moustache. Well, my wife (and mother-in-law) completely and totally hated it.
To make matters worse, I was for all practical purposes, invisible.

I stayed the course for a good 5-6 months. The feedback was such that I finally caved (wiping a tear).

Sir Monocle said...

Let me do this again.... I grew the moustache last year. It was not I, but the moustache that was invisible (wiping another tear).

Scelata said...

"It was not I, but the moustache that was invisible "

That was what I thought you meant, but not knowing you or your family, I thought it possible that there was some custom of "shunning" in your circles, and it was you who became invisible.