And This is Why I Love the Members of the Church Music Association of America

The High Holy Days

I mean, you no sooner get your Super Bowl tree up and decorated and it's time to take it down!
Didn't get my Super Bowl cards sent, didn't wrap and deliver all my presents...
And the stores! they've already taken down their Super Bowl things and are promoting the next holiday, what an irreligious society we've become.
This commercialization of holy things has to stop.

Are Your Little Ones Not Behaving?

Maybe it's cyclical, a time-of-year thing when some Churchy Folk start writing those Why Can't Your Kids Behave?/Why Do You Have To Object To My Kids Misbehaving? columns and blogs and posts, but they seem to be popping up quite a bit.

Too bad we can't all agree, yes, some annoying behavior of other people's children is age- and disability appropriate and to be expected so get over it; as well as yes, some parents are too oblivious/lazy/self-centered to curb annoying behavior with discipline that is age- and disability-appropriate to their children.

But we can't.  So, here's the solution.

Farm it out to a big corporation!

Why can't we have Disney franchise Cry Rooms?

Touting the new property’s wide variety of unique and imaginative attractions, representatives from the Walt Disney World Resort announced Monday the opening of Ordeal Kingdom, a new theme park specifically designed for full-scale family meltdowns.

(Yes, it's the Onion, I know it isn't real.)

Can a Musical Bear the Child of a Reality Show About Home Decor?

Haven't begun watching the new A and E War and Peace, (heck, haven't really finished Sroogeapalooza,) but I really had to laugh at this description by the Go Fug Yourself Ladies, (just reminding you that "fugly" means frighteningly ugly.....) of a flashback scene of Pierre Bezukhov's days of debauchery, wherein they fret that the writers or director had never actually been to a party:

RARELY do people sing to a window that's been liberated from its frame. This looks like the marriage of Les Mis and Love It Or List It.

"The Last Altar Boy"

Fr Z's commentators are certainly getting into the spirit of things, enjoying the satire from Eye of the Tiber.

There are the usual tangents, and one poster  uses the occasion to rag on Extraordinary Ministers of Communion of the female persuasion.
(Ooh, talk about tangents - but I just realized, when we were kids, in mockery of someones, can't recall whose, way with words and wont to specify another person's religious beliefs by saying "he was of the Lutheran persuasion," or some such, we would often describe someone, referencing a trait that was presumably inborn,  as "of the Asian persuasion," or "of the gay persuasion" or "of the Black persuasion" and then it was the job of anyone else in the conversation to say, "nobody had to persuade him." Well, now, we couldn't do our routine in respect to sex or gender, could we? because the received opinion is that it's such a fluid concept that being female MIGHT BE open to persuasion, right? I digress.)

Anyway, said poster seems to feel that it is the congregation which is urging expedience, but IME it is the clergy who are in dread of Communion taking a nanosecond longer than usual.

So it will take a little longer if only the priest or priests give Communion? Big deal. Who has a hot date right after Sunday mass?

We used to mutter amongst ourselves at one parish, as the Liturgy seemed to be being given the bum's rush, what? Father got a date or something?

And the poster's suggestion?

Get a decent organist or choir to give people a sort of musical background while they wait, and they might actually have a moment of reflection.

He seems not to be aware of the typical  Liturgy Committee Fiat - the PEOPLE must sing during the Communion Procession!

(Because it's such a natural thing to walk and eat and sing all at the same time......)

Some People LIKE The Music Issue

Tip of the hat, (no wag of the finger,) to Mr. C!

Is it my imagination?

Is it my imagination? Is John Malkovich the Evil Twin of His Grace?

(I'm have great admiration for +Abp. Cordileone, the only bishop whose ring I have kissed, as far as I can recall.  Though who knows as a child... one of my brothers, noticing other people greeting An Important Person at a parish reception decided he should join in the ritual, and went up and then proudly reported that he had "smelled his hand.")

Some Activities Require Your Attention

Some activities require your nearly undivided attention.

Yes, even though commercials may feature someone, say, rock climbing... and simultaneously doing her banking on a smart phone?

Yeah, not a good idea.

A friend likes to say there's no one stupider than a teenager -- I think I would revise that, every individual is at his own, personal "stupidest" at some point during his teen years.

A Washington teenager was on the phone with her mother as she hiked alone on a mountain in Alaska, saying she was nervous about the slippery terrain before her mother heard a scream, and then silence.

Anyway, I would not be laughing about this, were the girl not unharmed.

So kids, don't text or talk on the phone while driving.
Or while operating heavy machinery. (Or while operating on a surgical patient, for that matter.)
Or while using a chain saw.
Or while performing a triple lutz.
Or while crossing a pirhana infested river on a fallen tree.
Or while in negotiation with armed border guards in the Ukraine.
Or while fleeing from a crazed and rabid wolverine.
Or while singing the Queen of the Night's Vengeance Aria.

Oh, did someone forget to say, "or while traversing slippery mountain trails"?

Yeah, that too.

I know why the caged soprano sings...

... and now you can know why too.
Yes, your average, run-of-the-mill Leonora or Violetta, or section leader at St Thewaywedoithere's can be unreasonable, capricious, violent and ungrateful, but they can't HELP it, ya see? because,

Science Tells Us, the Expression Centres in
Their Brains Take Up All the Blood Supply, and, the Poor Little Higher, Inhibitory Centres Are Starved

Choosing Offertory Hymn Texts

Oh, for the love of pete, next these old sticks-in-the-mud are going to say that "God Bless America" doesn't suit...

More on Vevuzelas and the Liturgy! (well, kinda...)

I'm not the only one who sees a possible future for the Vevuzela in Catholic worship.

(But unlike me, most good Christian folk seem to be ag'in'... have they no vision? are they against progress?)

The Telegraph reports that Archbishop Vincent Nichols is concerned that vuvuzelas, blamed for ruining the usual respectful silence of football matches, [emphasis added, LOVE that line,] could be used during the Papal Visit to the UK. Tatchell, Hitchens, Fry and Dawkins have apparently all responded by letter to the Archbishop, saying, "Thanks Archbishop! Great idea!"
'Although himself an avid football fan, the Most Rev Vincent Nichols, the head of the Roman Catholic Church in England and Wales, is worried that the forthcoming Papal visit could be marred by vuvuzelas. "I have had enough of them already," says the Archbishop of Westminster. "I hope they stay in South Africa. Personally, I think the football would be more enjoyable without this constant cacophony."

You Want Inculturation? I'll Give You Inculturation

From what I can only think is an allergic reaction to an absurdly fecund spring, I am without voice, or without enough voice to phonate for more than a phrase or two.
Very discouraged, thinking that in order to sing at all at the Colloquium, I shall need to limit myself to a chant schola, and take a pass on the polyphonic choirs.

Thinking of spending more time reading, and maybe composing, or rather arranging and "type-setting" as I have not the skill or charism for the real thing.

But I'm inspired by a friend who tells me that he is putting the finishing touches on a new plainsong Mass setting (he says he was inspired by the wonderful new enthusiasm for for chant displayed by the usual suspects from OCP, GIA and other shudder-inducing groups of initials.)

He says there will be a sort of pedal-point accompaniment, scored for vuvuzela ensemble (that means it has to be in either B flat, E flat or F doesn't it?)

Blow, Gabriel, blow....

I shall be sorry to miss its premier at NPM.
Think he's pulling my leg?
Of course, there are legitimate reasons to consider the vuvuzela a liturgical instrument.

This could be the ultimate "stadium Mass", no?

Is it so very different? Could you necessarily tell which is which?

"The Mass of White People Clapping"

Discussion of proper (and "Ordinary" ;oP) terminology over at the CMAA boards yields this gem, (concerning one more wonderful thing about the not-particularly-imminent arrival of the new translations,) from Adam Wood:

[The new Missal chants] are free to use. That’s a whole lot better than having to buy 20 more choir editions (each) of the Mass of Creation, the Mass of Light, the Mass of Glory, the Mass of Endless Descants, the Mass of Faux multi-culturalism, the Mass of White People Clapping, and all the other Mass settings your parish has been mixing and matching acclamations out of for the last decade.

Yet Another Brilliantly Reasoned Rebuttal

This at Inside Catholic struck me a wrong-headed in a few particulars, and condescending, as much in further replies to posts as to the original piece.
But a long and painstakingly gracious and irrefutably rational riposte bemoaning the general resistence to Faith in the supernatural powers of God's grace, (a hobby horse of mine just now, sorry....), upon my clicking on the "Submit" button, was inexplicably lost to the ether.

And so instead, I here, in my usual schoarly, sober-sided and unanswerable manner, provide a precis of my reasoned argument, saying:

Piffle.

And furthermore:

Pish.

There, Mrs. Conclusion, I run rings a round ya, logically.

"Twelve Angry Housewives"

I think the time is ripe for a new version, or parody, (parody circumvents copyright...) of "Twelve Angry Men" as a gift to snarky and cheap theater producers everywhere (one set! only one costume for each actor!)

The climax writes itself, when the Henry Fonda character, coiffed with some serious extensions, and filled to bursting with righteous anger, flips the table around which the Jersey jury is gathered.

The Wisdom of Reverend Timtom

I watch a lot of television.
(After a recent thread at Musica Sacra on how little television all of you in the Catholic blogosphere watch, I hope you'll all acknowledge that it takes extraordinary courage on my part to make such a declaration. But I'm heroic that way....;oP))

Anyway, a number of other recent threads there and elsewhere have discussed the nonsense that passes for contemporary liturgy, youth ministry, etc., and I think all concerned would get a huge kick out a character on "The Middle" last night, a fellowship-offerin', guitar-totin', theology-singin' youth minister, Rev. Timothy Thomas.

Jesus was a teenager, too
Beneath the long hair, awkwardness and pimples?
King of the Jews.

-- Rev. TimTom, the Rovin' Rev

In Rev. Timtom's songs, we see an illustration of CS Lewis' metaphor of things that are bigger on the inside than on the outside. Yeah, to all appearances, He's just like that annoying kid stocking the shelves at the local supermarket, but inside? God.

The dangers of an ecclesiology based on a cult of personality are also sent-up in this episode to great effect, (see what I did there? how I went all big-wordy on ya to mask or at least mitigate the whiff of low culture emanating from my post?)

This just screams to be photo-shopped...

An indie chant group called "Smashing Punctums".



The stripes of the flag logo obviously translates to four line, huh?
(Would the cover model for Blind Melon be the "ti girl"?)

New Hymn

Apologies to Horatio Bonar...

1. Come, bishops, tarry not
New missals aim our way!
O why these years of waiting here,
These ages of decay?

2. Come, for we PIPs still wait;
Daily ascends our sigh;
The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come”;
ICEL, O heed their cry.

3. (corrected) Is you work fin'lly done?
Fish! we cry, or cut bait!
You have all dithered far too long,
No longer will we wait.

4. Father, obstruct this not,
Stand not in progress's way,
Leave off your whinging and your ploys,
Your tactics to delay.

5. At last! translations new,
Faithful, and good and true.
If you defy the Church, well then...
Who's wrong, the Church or you?

(Corrected)ST BRIDE?

Needs some work, but for now...

I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but....

... something odd struck me in reading a jeremiad aimed at one of President Obama's appointees.

Obama science czar John Holdren stated in a college textbook he co-authored that in conditions of emergency, compulsory abortion would be sustainable under the U.S. Constitution, even with Supreme Court review.

WND has obtained a copy of "Ecoscience: Population, Resources, Environment," published in 1977 and co-authored by Holdren with Malthusian population alarmist Paul R. Ehrlich and Ehrlich's wife, Ann. As WND reported, the authors argued involuntary birth-control measures, including forced sterilization, may be necessary and morally acceptable under extreme conditions, such as widespread famine brought about by "climate change."

To prevent ecological disasters, including "global warming," Holdren argued the U.S. Constitution would permit involuntary abortions, government-imposed sterilizations and laws limiting the number of children as steps justified under the banner of "sustainable well-being."

(What's a "science czar", anyway? Does he get to wear one of those cool Russain crowns with the fur around them? How many Faberge eggs as perks?)

Now without taking a stance on the morality or validity of this man's positions, (after all, it would be possible to argue that something one knows is heinous is allowed under current law and that this is a loophole that must be closed!), or even whether he still hold opinions he once held, (I believe in redemption, not to mention growing up,) let us stipulate that whether Holdren is one of them or not, there are indeed people and states who believe that over-population is damaging Planet Earth, that this is a problem, and that the private murder of the unborn, even without the consent of the proprietor of the womb occupied by that unborn child, is an acceptable way of dealing with the problem.

This is of major concern to anyone who holds to the sanctity and dignty of human life.

Now, a television show I had followed and enjoyed was abruptly canceled. (Bear with me.)

Not the sort of thing I usually watch, SFX heavy sci-fi, lots of CGI dinosaurs and other creatures.
But snappy dialogue, interesting characters, and time travel, (not a plus with me, but catnip to Himself, and it's always easier to stay involved with a series if ones intimates are as well.)
It was called Primeval.
So far as I had read, its ratings were excellent, its critical reception laudatory, its creators keen to ride it out.

And then poof! gone.

None just gone, but gone on a cliff hanger, canceled with its protagonists stranded and separated in the Jurassic age, or something, (once I recovered from my 1st grade intention to be a paleontologist, and yes, that was the word I used, I ceased to pay attention to that sort of detail, and am woefully ignorant of such matters.)

No warning, just gone. Extinct, if you will.

Now, here's the conspiracy part -- its primary antagonist was utterly un-PC.

A real, practically mustache-twirling, (though it was a woman,) villain.

Why so Politically Errant? What would be most upsetting to the Politically Correct in fictional villainy? Who would be to most upsetting to the sensibilities of most media types? a member of an oppressed minority? a fundamentalist muslim? a LBGT dwarf of color?

No, this absolute monster of a brilliant mad scientist had taken the "Save the Planet By Destroying Surplus Human Beings" dodge to its logical extreme: she was going back in time to kill the first hominid ancestors to prevent humanity from ever having existed. So rather than positing the wimpy, half-hearted:

To provide a high quality of life for all, there must be fewer people

Helen the sinister and sexy scientist concludes:

Planet Earth Would Be So Much Better Off Without Mankind

The ultimate Malthusian, no? Or just the big picture equivalent of your crazy aunt with the plastic slipcovers who never lets ANYONE set foot or tuckus in the salon with the absurd misnomer of "living" room.
And since she is clearly presented as evil, and um... wrong -- and well, we can't have such ideas being held up for what they are, evil, and um... wrong, can we? something must be done.

Okay, I'm crazy, never mind....

However, if and when it is brought back, especially if its American -- betcha the new villain espouses evil notions we have all agreed to vilify.

Like, eating saturated fats.

Conjugal Duties, or a Good Man is Hard to Find

I heard from a spokesman for my spouse.
Everything is good, but Himself is tired of feeling "obliged" to murmur sweet nothings -- the gist is, I know he loves me, so why should he have to say it?
The rest of what his representative had to say:

The practice of telling your wife that you love her began in the 12th century, when committed love was widely rejected by courtly cads, or misunderstood by poorly educated peasant men.
Husbands saw saying “I love you,” as a way of reaffirming their commitment to their wives and of promoting renewed devotion to them.
However, as time went on, saying loving things drifted further and further away from its grounding in love itself.

Notwithstanding my Dad’s personal endorsement of telling Mom he loved her, and the sporadic restoration of the practice in this suburd and elsewhere, it is difficult to speak favorably about verbal proofs of devotion today.

Now that most women are literate and even well-educated, there is little or no need for extraneous spoken reminders of a spouse's commitment.

His just being there ought to be proof enough.

Saying “I love you, honey”, constantly or not, is a step backward in your relationship, not forward.

Oh, wait, my bad.
It wasn't a representative of MY husband, it was the representative of another Spouse, who said these things, more or less, to Her Bridegroom:

The practice of eucharistic adoration began in the 12th century, when the Real Presence of Christ was widely rejected by heretics or misunderstood by poorly educated Catholics. The church saw eucharistic adoration as a way of reaffirming its faith in the Real Presence and of promoting renewed devotion to it.

However, as time went on, eucharistic devotions, including adoration, drifted further and further away from their liturgical grounding in the Mass itself.

Notwithstanding Pope Benedict XVI's personal endorsement of eucharistic adoration and the sporadic restoration of the practice in the archdiocese of Boston and elsewhere, it is difficult to speak favorably about the devotion today.

Now that most Catholics are literate and even well-educated, the Mass is in the language of the people (i.e, the vernacular), and its rituals are relatively easy to understand and follow, there is little or no need for extraneous eucharistic devotions. The Mass itself provides all that a Catholic needs sacramentally and spiritually.

Eucharistic adoration, perpetual or not, is a doctrinal, theological, and spiritual step backward, not forward.

Fr McBrien, it seems to me, is misrepresenting Church teaching on this, as on so many matters.
In which case, his boss, Christ's Holy Bride might want to consider letting him go.
If McBrien is really speaking for the Church, I would say some couples' counseling might be in order for Her and Christ, huh?