Catholic?

Yet another report provoking the query, what exactly do you have to do before your claims to be a Catholic are so ludicrous that even you admit you're not even close?

St Mary's and its parish priest preach an unorthodox brand of Catholicism that many church-goers love, but others say is heresy....
That's led a small group of disgruntled parishioners to secretly record what they say are the church's liturgical abuses and complain all the way to Rome....
St Mary's parish is run by Father Peter Kennedy and Father Terry Fitzpatrick. They admit they've altered the church services over the years, even designing their own prayer for that most sacred of Catholic rituals, the Eucharist....
A small group of traditional Catholics ... have been complaining to church authorities for years....
The traditionalists have been campaigning for the local Archbishop and even the Vatican to intervene and they say to make that happen they've had to take the extraordinary step of spying on the congregation....
Last year one of the spies [sic]was caught inside the church trying to photograph a baptism."

Such unbiased... reporting.

Those who support the priests' shenanigans are described in this "news" report as "church members" but those who, (rightly, ISTM,) question their propriety, although the reporter acknowledges that they are parishioners, are referred to as spies.