Corn Allergy Recipe -"Boston" "Baked" Black Beans

This isn't ordinarily the helpful hints/recipes/YouveBeenDoingThisWrongYouWholeLife! kind of blog, but I improvised a food prep that might be worth.

I like canned baked beans, or did when I was a child, but can't eat them due to my food allergy, as they virtually all have corn starch, or corn syrup, or distilled vinegar, (which is all made from corn in this country.)
I'm also lazy, and am not likely to make them from scratch, (dried beans are such a crap shoot, as to whether they will ever soften and if so, after how long,) or leave the oven on for as long as necessary.
I suppose between the sugar and the fat these aren't particularly healthy, but don't the black beans count for something?

1 medium onion, diced
1 Tbsp gritty bacon grease (you know, not pure white, but with some of the pan "cracklings," or whatever they are called)
1 Tbsp tomato paste 
1 tsp apple cider vinegar 
S & P to taste 
Dash of cloves 
Dash of cumin 
Dash of cinnamon 
1/4 c. molasses 
1/4 c. Brown sugar 
2 cans of black beans, drained (and rinsed if they are very starchy) 
I cooked onion in the bacon grease first, but I suspect I could have just stirred it all together in the slow cooker at the same time.
I cooked it on high (very small, weak slow cooker,) for 4 hours, you can give it a stir half way through if you are feeling so inclined

Bathroom Wars and Snack Crackers

So I just discover a really tasty cracker to which I am not allergic.

Then I discover that they are, to put it mildly, dear, (and the expensive box is tiny.)
THEN I discover someone else offers something similar.

But only one store around here seems to carry them.

Oh well...
Anyone know any copy-cat recipe for the Blue Diamond?

Prurience...

Did you know the root of that word is the Latin for "itch"?

Suffering  from pruritus because apparently I am illiterate.
Or just careless... how did I not know that some pre-grated cheeses are coated with corn starch to prevent caking? (I thought they all used cellulose.)
It's not as if I didn't know that the particular allergen behind my problems is ubiquitous.

Anyway, ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

My Life as Sitcom

So, asked to do some voice-over work.
First actual work in, well, forever, it seems.
On my way to studio.
Stop for a quick cup o' joe.
Now suffering, (only very slightly,) from two ills, horrific and highly visible urticaria, and coffee-breath.
Have a remedy for each, diphenhydramine for the hives, spearmint gum for the halitosis.
I keep gum tablets in an old pill bottle, because I can't stand the way those foil packs fall apart in my purse.
The bottle happens to be an old one from the antihistimine I use.
I shake out one electric blue gelcap and one piece of gum into their respective bottle caps.

        

(You can see where this is going, can't you?)
So yeah, I pop the gum in my mouth, swallow it with a bit of water and chomp down on the medicine, contents of gelcap gushes out.
Worst taste I have ever had, EVER had, in my mouth.
No biggie, right?

Except it turns out that this liquid form of diphenhydramine numbs my tongue and gums and cheek, so I now can't feel one whole side of my mouth.
Kramer knows what I'm talking about.

Claire Dunphy know what I'm talking about.

 

Soldier on, head to studio and try to record copy in my altered state.
Hilarity ensues.
Honest, I wouldn't let me out without a keeper.....

Corn? Curses!

A woman with an allergy to corn learns that there are two differnt formulations of a promising second generation antihistimine, (antihistimines being one of the major ways one treis to deal with allergies.)

The most common version of the OTC drug lists, as its first inactive ingredient, corn starch.
The other does not! (Oh, frabjous day, etc......)
She contacts the pharmeceuitcal company to make usre of the details.
A conversation ensues.

When I asked about the differing formulations, it was explained they now make a "corn-free formulation for those who are allergic". I was then asked if I was allergic to corn and explained that I yes, I am allergic to corn.
Here's the rest of the conversation:
Me: That's great you provide a corn-free formula. I'd like to ask about the source of some of the ingredients of the formula without corn starch.
Rep: Okay.
Me: What is the source ingredient of the Magnesium Stearate?
Rep: It says here it is from a vegetable or plant source, NOT animal.
Me: Okay, what vegetable?
Rep: It doesn't say.
Me: So it could be corn.
Rep: This formula is corn free, you know that because there is no corn starch.
Me: Will the package state "corn-free"?
Rep: No, we cannot guarantee it is corn free, as we do not test for the presence of, nor absence of corn. But since there is no corn starch, you know it is corn free!
Me: Thank you for your time.
Again, that statement was, “We do not test for the presence of, nor absence of corn.” So I have to ask, what was the purpose of creating a secondary formulation just for their corn-allergic customers, if they do not know if it contains corn? Is an allergy to corn simply a marketing gimmick to them?

Mold? Whisky? Artificial Sweetener? Sunscreen? Vegetable Broth in Canned Tuna?

Whatever.
There's just not enough steroids or diphenhydramine in the world.
Or at least, in my medicine cabinet.

These are turtles:

This is me:

I'm just sayin'....

Woe is I

Was given a Very Valuable, or so I have gathered, bottle of whisky.

Enjoyed its exotic and perplexingly complicated flavours.
Who knew that Jameson uses, not barley alone with its "pure Irish Water from the Dungourney River", but maize from some French source?
Maize? Yeah, corn.
Sometimes, what I yearn for is not so much relief from the symptoms of my allergy, but merely definitive knowledge of what the culprit was, what comestible caused me to awaken looking like Jake LaMotta.

And that, I was granted.
So, yes, when I opened my eyes this morning.... I couldn't open my eyes.
Live and learn.
All in all, its coming upon me in a week between activities and obligation - meh, coulda been woise.

I don't owe my "sister" obedience

Not that I don't have several sisters who are really swell people, and all...
The Catholic Church, or, to be precise, the Holy See will have a pavilion at EXPO Milan 2015, which is a good thing.
The theme of the exposition is ""Feeding the Planet."
Also good!
And the theme of the Holy See's contribution to the festivities is “Not by bread alone.”
Beyond good, purt'dang near perfect!

The Holy See Pavilion will take as its title two short Biblical phrases: 'Not by bread alone' and 'Give us today our daily bread'

But then, this:

Msgr. Luca Bressan commented that the Holy See Pavilion will offer to help tourists and citizens encounter “the mystical dimension, openness to God”. He added that the method to be followed will be that of posing problems and making suggestions to solve them, “used with success by Pope Francis, to show that the Church is not a sour schoolmistress but rather a sister who shares our path with lucidity and a vision of the future, a devoted mother able to show the ways and the resources of the future”.

My sister, my mother, my sister, my mother..... I feel like Evelyn Mulwray.

I suppose if Jesus is my (step?) brother, the Church can be my sister, but I am uncomfortable with what seems to be increasing emphasis on a kind of, if not equality, parity in these mystical relationships, a down-playing of man[kind]'s DISparity in status.
It's presumptuous.
And I really think it is wrong to downplay the Church's teaching authority by saying she is not a "sour schoolmistress."
Better to learn at the foot of a sour schoolmarm than to have no schooling at all....
But yes, it's certainly more pleasant if She hasn't, or rather, that we, as Her agents don't give Her "the face of a pickled pepper," as the Holy Father has put it.

Christmass Priorities

We discussed this in CCD a week and a bit ago, but try as I might to drive the conversation, when all was said an done, there was a grudging admission by some that, okay, maybe "family" was more important than "presents", but #2 was the lowest presents would go.

"God"  or "Jesus" might be as high as fourth or fifth, but worshiping God? attending Mass?
Probably not going to happen.

My own priorities list starts out admirably enough, but by fourth, it's more a matter of laziness - if I don't care about lights, look at all the time and effort I save!

Cookie ranks pretty high, time must be found to bake, but that's more of a memorial to Christmasses Past, and a memorial to the Great Baker herself than gluttony on my part.

An old proverb says, "Cookies are made of butter and love."
And that is certainly how she made them.

I had only come across two of my very, very very favoritests shortly before discovering my allerg to All Things Corn -- James Beard had an amazing, crispy, rich wafer made with orange zest and corn meal that I will probably always miss.

But Melting Moments?

It finally occurred to me to substitute potato starch for the corn starch.

Eureka!

Perhaps BETTER than the original!

I see that I am not the first to make this discovery.

 Found a new old blog, maybe, maybe, MAYBE she'll have some ideas I can try.

Never had this with the deep purpley maroon circles around my eyes before, (mine were much larger, going all around both eyes, out to the sides and top, too, looked like Clayton Moore, vested for Advent....)

But I also know I've been lucky compared to some people, just the one food, (albeit a ubiquitous one,) or so I thought -- and I am horrified at the prospect of life without pastry.

(That is not hyperbole, Christmas Cookies are very important to me emotionally.)

"...Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand..."

"I am the one who spices!"

Perhaps when my eyes are swollen and, for want of a better word... sticky?...  is not the best time to be grinding up chiles and making hot sauce.
But the peppers won't keep forever, (and won't be available long,) and sometimes you need to bring a little heat.
And wouldn't you know, hot sauce is one of those things made with corn "vinegar," (a contradiction in terms according to an etymologically fastidious friend, since corn grows on stalks not vines,) which I must therefore eschew except on rare occasions.
Anyway, the Interwebs, arbiter of all truths, tells me that Hot Sauce is easy and fun to make, and delicious proportionate to the individuality one brings to it, and I made such magnificent mayonnaise, (I am not kidding, it was sensational!) I decided to give it a whirl, (literally, thank you, Food Processor, I think I'd miss you most of all.)
One site suggested even normal people ought to go "full-on Walter White," with the protective gear, so I suppose Exemplar of Eczema as I am, I should have been careful.
But was I?
No, not really.

I am not in danger,  I am the danger. A guy eats some hot sauce and burns his mouth and makes his eyes water and you think that of me?

No.

I am the one who made the hot sauce!

 

So we'll see - it smells fantastic, but I think it should age a bit? (And I think I'll sneak in a little agave)

Pretty, Pretty....

 or should that be "weepy, weepy"?

Really, my memory...

It never occurred to me until I was drifting off to sleep last night that there was a logical explanation for my emotions being so unwontedly close to the surface as I  read yesterday - trying a new steroid, and one that in the past has made a member of my family flat-out bat-guano crazy.

My typical excema face is this:

Last time I had a really debilitating flare-up it was this:

This most recent episode?

 Travel, heck,. going out for a bite to eat carries a risk - what caused the latest?

Who knows... a hidden, or at least unsuspected ingredient in a meal or snack? (the remarkable diner cake I tried anyway, making the whole thing my fault?) the detergent with which some other family member or hotel laundered sheets? the softener? the food industry switching over to a corn-based source for a hitherto safe food? (I'm looking at you, cider vinegar.) Whatever was in bloom near the NY cottage? the mold in the NJ cabin? ('cause the outhouse wasn't disincentive enough...) a European ale which has moved production over to a North American brewery? borrowed shampoo?

Maybe the dread demon Febreze...

Ah well, all's well now.

Culinary Firsts.... for _ME_

I have, somehow, acquired an undeserved reputation as a good cook.
I maintain it by entertaining seldom, and cooking for genuinely good cooks and bakers never.

Yesterday, for the first time in my life.... I used the broiler. Seriously, the first time ever.

The ribeye, with garlic and ginger was excellent. (There's a store near here where I can actually afford a ribeye from time to time. It's called Sav-a-lot, and I don't know why it isn't teaming with shoppers canstanly, especially as the price of staples is soaring .)

Anyway, today... I am going to make mayonnaise!

Haven't been able to find a commercial one that doesn't contain corn or distilled vinegar made from corn, and if I did, the cost would probably be prohibitive, and allergy or not, tuna salad without mayonnaise is tragic.

Wish me luck

Breadmakers are not "frugal," are they?

I am the cheapest person you know, a complete skinflint, so I read things like The Tightwad Gazette, and Tip Hero in my quest for frugality.
In one story on the latter, I read, "A $9 bread machine from Goodwill has saved literally hundreds on baked goods alone."

But while a bread maker is a wonderful, time-saving, or fill-your-house-with-homey-aromas thing, (and $9 for one you like is a great find,) I do not buy that it is any kind of money savor -- even buying supplies in the greatest bulk I reasonably can (five pound bag of yeast at GFS, anyone?) unless my math is very bad, (possible,) I can always find bread on sale cheaper than I can make it.

I suppose if you compare it to bakery or gourmet shop bread...

That said, good reasons to make your own bread include the shortest time interval possible, between being assailed by that wondrous yeasty fragrance and actually stuffing some of that goodness in your mouth; and making it with exactly the ingredients you want, and none of those you don't.

Do you know how hard it is to find a multi-grain loaf with no corn? (I admit, I really, really, REALLY miss Anadama bread, but allergies is allergies. I've been meaning to try to achieve a reasonable facsimile with millet, or something.)