In all the kerfuffle about potential unification, (RC, SSPX, TAC, a veritable alphabet soup of liturgical reverence,) he imagines a dialogue betwixt a would-be Tiber-swimmer, (yes, I've read that the metaphor is bad, inapt, I like it nonetheless....,) and one of those I-don't-see-why-you-have-to-believe-what-the-Church-teaches-to-call-yourself-Catholic prelates:
Anglican priestMorning, Bishop. Having believed the whole Faith for 55 years as an Anglican priest, I have discerned that this is the moment humbly to seek full communion.
We don't accept single issue converts. If you're one of these troublemakers who have been so noisy about women bishops ...
PriestI don't believe that women can be bishops, but I'm not single issue. For all my life I've accepted all the defined doctrines of the Church including those of Vatican One ...
BishopDid you say Vatican One?
Priest(failing to notice the thunderous brow) Yup. Pastor aeternus and all that. First rate stuff.
BishopThat's as may be. I don't say it is and I don't say it isn't. But you sound a prickly sort of chap to me.
PriestBishop, I just thought that, now your diocesan establishment is down to nine priests with an average age of 81, I might be of some use to you.
BishopIt's far too early to think about the possibility of ordination. You'll have to spend many, many years acclimatising yourself as a layman to our Catholic culture, before the question even arises.
PriestWell, I think I do know fairly well ...
BishopLet me test you. What is the first thing that a priest says at the start of Mass after crossing himself in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit?
PriestIntroibo ad altare Dei, ad Deum qui ...
Bishop(the veins in his firehead bulging dangerously) In fact, I think I have already discerned that God is not calling you to priesthood. You are clearly too young/old, you are under/over qualified, you are encumbered with a wife/unmarried and therefore presumably homosexual, in fact I think I recall my chum Jim/Jack/Bob/Bill, the bishop of Barchester, talking about you only the other day. He said that you were a pain in ... that you were not well adapted to modern models of collaborative ministry.
(Forgive me, I've taken the liberty of changing the format, vaguely Tams-Witmarkish, getting in practice for typing up the kiddie scripts.... WHAT WAS I THINKING???!?!???)