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Friday 13 July 2007

A little list....

While at Mundelein, I shared this song with a few people.
I find it inspiring, (though I found it, who knows where? It's origins lost in the mists of time....,) (not really, I just promised its author, C. A., not to reveal said author's name,) and may do a little collecting and posting of humorous texts and parodies (though most at, say, the Moratorium site are not all that carefully crafted... they don't always scan, and are often as lame as the texts they mock.)

I'd prefer parodies set to bad songs, actually, and I think I shall try my hand at a few, but funny alternate words to good hymntune or even secular music (such as this one,) are also funny and will... well, go on the list.

In fact, I have a few ideas for writing some.

1. With the Church in dire need of some liturgical reform
I've got a little list, I've been drawing up a list
Of some dreadful little ditties, that alas, are now the norm
But never would be miss'd, if we banned what's on the list

Those happy-clappy tunes of the self-celebrating kind
By Who'sThatPagan, Thing'ma-Monk, and likewise-- Never mind
And Sister Thang, and What's-his-name, and Father You-know-who
The task of naming names, well, I'd as soon leave that to you
(I admit I fear a lawsuit if their publishers get pissed,
So keep'em off the list, only songs go on the list.)

(Chorus: He's got a little list, he's got a little list,
And they'll none of 'em be missed, they'll none of 'em be missed.).
................................
2. Detraction is a sin; avoid ad hominem attacks!
You see, I must insist: no people on the list!
It's just their songs of which we would rejoice to see the backs,
In charity persist, but let's work on that list!

The endless Songs of Self, whose very thesis seems to be
"Enough of me, for now, God, tell me how much YOU like me,"
Our boasting that "we'll build a house", "create ourselves anew,"
Since of the world "we are the light," there's nothing we can't do!
So what surprise that sins of pride and hubris then ensue?
I think we need a list. Gadzooks! we need a list!

(Chorus: He's got a little list, he's got a little list,
And they'll none of 'em be missed, they'll none of 'em be missed.)
.......................
3."Vox Dei" texts are fine; King David used them, it is true,
Yet some land on the list. Here's why they're on the list:
Just look at what the current crop of wordsmiths seem to do,
In their songs that crowd the list: (they fit right in, on the list!)

The words put in His mouth, as if our God could be so trite,
That "Lord of Sea and Sky" whom we heard "calling in the night."
The doggerel banal, and metaphors so much confused
That the very Word Incarnate might unjustly be accused,
With you, and I (the "breads of life?") Himself to have confused.
Such songs should HEAD the list. No joke! We need that list!

(Chorus: He's got a little list, he's got a little list,
And they'll none of 'em be missed, they'll none of 'em be missed.)
................
4.Now really, can't we live and let live? where's the harm, you ask?
Why bother with a list? What need for such a list?
I yet maintain there's danger if we fail at this task,
Of making up a list, this necessary list,
Since sensibly shod geezers, indeterminate of sex

Comprising the Liturgical-Industrial Complex
Indoctrinate our young, those innocent, and fresh-faced throngs
With Bad theology encapsulated in bad songs
(One suspects ideas came whilst they were taking drags on bongs.)
You see? We need a list. Admit -- we need a list.

(Chorus: He's got a little list, he's got a little list,
And they'll none of 'em be missed, they'll none of 'em be missed.)
...........................
5. Inspired by such nonsense, and encouraged by such songs,
As those that make the list, (you do recall the list?)
Some strive to turn our Catholic Rites, into their Catholic Rongs.
They're why I wrote the list, their follies forced the list.
That planning group that suffers from Liturgical Tourette's?
This music helps enable, yes, it aids and it abets
Them in their strange endeavors, playing at popes and popettes
While poor old John Q Catholic, sad and silent merely frets
Fearful worse awaits him, as these songs are just the grist
For the mill. They'll not be missed, these songs that make the list.

(Chorus: He's got a little list, he's got a little list ,
And they'll none of 'em be missed, they'll none of 'em be missed.)
.......................
6. When someday prayer is borne aloft by worthy songs and chant
We'll laugh about this list, that we needed such a list.
Some might even wax nostalgic for these dated tunes, I grant.
But they really won't be missed, the songs that "graced" this list.

And we'll smile, that once we suffered through such clangor and such din,
And forgive it's perpetrators their aesthetic venial sin.
And we'll marvel that the publishers once managed with their hype
And marketing, to sell ungodly quantities of tripe,
Of tacky tunes,and wacky words, of silly songs we "dissed,".
And justly booed and hissed, no, they'll none of 'em be missed.

(Chorus: You may put 'em on the list, you may put 'em on the list,
And they'll none of 'em be missed, they'll none of 'em be missed.)

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