Bulwer-Lytton Contest Winners

 Some wonderful stuff, (good for reading on any dark and stormy night such as this,) and the Grand Prize, written by one Dr. Joel Phillips of West Trenton, NJ, is a doozy.
But strangely I've lost my appetite.

 Seeing how the victim's body, or what remained of it, was wedged between the grill of the Peterbilt 389 and the bumper of the 2008 Cadillac Escalade EXT, officer "Dirk" Dirksen wondered why reporters always used the phrase "sandwiched" to describe such a scene since there was nothing appetizing about it, but still, he thought, they might have a point because some of this would probably end up on the front of his shirt.

I have to admit, I don't really get the Sci-Fi winner?

The gravitational pull up here on Mars is much less than it is back at home base, of course, so your tongue sticks to the roof of our mouth and everyone sounds like Eleanor Roosevelt.