Research Finds Researchers Found Other Researchers Didn't Find....

I think we've all begun to feel, in the last few decades that any sentence that begins "Studies show...." or "Researchers have found...." will continue in an expression of utterly arbitrary ox dung that will be flatly contradicted within a week or two by other researchers in other studies paid for by other persons who wish to have other findings.

I'll be honest, I thought it was a result of bias, (the White Asparagus Council is pretty likely going to discover that White Asparagus prevents malaria/promotes REM sleep/allowed the Queen Mum to live to be 101.) (And that people who purchase White Asparagus, whether or not they actually consume it, are more likely to win the Powerball jackpot.)

But not so! Studies show (sorry, couldn't resist,) that study results are not biased ox dung, they are simply regular old ox dung.
Behavioural science, social sciences, well, you'd expect that, wouldn't you? anyone who's ever been part of a "random" sampling knows how not random you are, how leading the questions or statements are, and how self-reporting is... well, ox dung.

But sadly, even more objective areas of science deliver ox dung.

I don't care, I'm sticking with the research that shows most of us don't have enough fried food in our diets, the average human being needs 9 1/2 hours of sleep a night for optimum productivity, vitamins are overrated, and watching football makes you stupid.

It's science.