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Saturday, 6 December 2014

Sartorially Challenged Catholic

I like a skinny-legged jean.

Shouldn't be a problem but most such are also low-rise.

I hate low-rise trousers. They are ugly, flirting on the edge of indecent, and since the top edge sits below the widest part of the torso, they must depend on tightness, (and friction, I suppose,) to hold them up.
If they are tight enough to stay up most of the time, the waistband must actually create an indentation where one does not naturally occur on the body, with the inevitable result of muffin top, and the probable result of indigestion.

More fashion-forward brands now offer high-rise skinnies, but they tend toward stupidly over-priced.

And why is the material in women's jeans  hardly ever as sturdy as that used in men's?

So, I who need to re-read the instructions just to remember how to sew on a button, or even thread a needle, I decide I will buy a good, long-wearing, sturdy, will-survive-the-nuclear-holocaust, rivet-sporting, they-should-make-fish-scaling-gloves-out-of-this pair of jeans, put a little tuck in the waistband and take in the legs.

Oh, they look great, I'm so pleased with myself, think I'm so smart....

Trouble is, the fabric in women's jeans, especially skinnies, almost invariably has some spandex in the blend, whereas the serge de Nimes in heavy-duty, stand-up-to-real-work mens' is all cotton.

So the first time I go to genuflect in them, I discover that my knee just won't bend that far and I do a face plant.

Yes, first world problem, but still.... (and don't scold me, I wasn't wearing them to Sunday Mass.)

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