So honest. And I'm sure this attitude is not unusual, but what great man ever admits it?This really worries me. And I have talked about this with the Vatican Security... This worries me somewhat. Am I afraid? You know that I have a defect: a good [dose] of carelessness; I’m careless about these things. Sometimes I’ve asked myself: if this happened to me? And I’ve said to the Lord: Lord, I ask you only for one grace, that it not harm me, because I’m not courageous in face of pain; I am very, very fearful, but not of God.
I'm so much the same way -- I have an absolute horror, a terror of pain, even a small pain.
I would give up anyone, betray anyone, affirm or deny anything.... anything, under threat of pain.
I could never be a martyr, I could not be a spy, heck, I can barely be helpful to other people if pain is involved.
Lord, do not put me to the test.