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Saturday, 10 October 2015

Confession, and Spiritual Direction, and Advice and Pride

This is going to sound awful, or at least, wrong, but I would wager I am not alone in this.

It seems to me that a confessor seldom says anything I haven't through of before, tells me anything I don't know - is it that way for you?

Our sins aren't a surprise to us, after all.

We know there are things we mustn't do, we know there are things we shouldn't do because they are going to put us in the way of doing the things we mustn't do, which may then begin to "feel" inevitable, or worse, necessary so that we prepare ahead of time to defend what we will do -- and yet we do them anyway.

I am full of myself, and when I fall I am always quite certain I know why I have done what I have done.

And this afternoon, after waiting an absurd time for the priest to arrive, and a shockingly, (to me, not my usual place,) long line, and AN OLD LADY WHO JUMPED THE LINE, which moved so slowly I couldn't believe it, have I wandered into the haunt of reformed drug lords and retired hit assassins all making their first confessions?, and almost leaving because I was afraid I would be late for an appointment -- the Cure d'Ars, reborn!

The priest told me why I was doing what I do, and even as he was saying the words my mind was rebelling, nonsense, how could tha--- so of course, he was dead on.

I'm generally willing to cop to attitudes and emotions that seem, well - strong, even if they are less than admirable, (even if they are sinful? why didn't you say it?) but I am loathe to own weakness.

But he said things I had never thought of, not just as relates to myself, but to any person. And I think, I hope... I am not just going to be able to work on faults of my own, but in forgiving those others.

It was a remarkable time.

(He was visiting, so I shall probably never have such an opportunity again. On th other hand, he looked about 12 years old, so he'll be hearing confessions for a loooooooong time, God willing.)

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